Being plus size – or having more to love, as I like to phrase it – isn’t an easy task. Trying to fit into a cookie cutter ideal of what a girl or teen should be is exhausting, trivial, and unnecessary. Cutting work out plans from magazines, or putting self-shaming quotes on the bathroom mirror are probably some of the tactics we used growing up to cope with our experiences. But now, we are women. We are powerful in the workspace, as well as in the arms of a caring man. Below are some truths about dating as a plus sized woman, things I applied to my outlook. All you need is effort and a new perspective, and these truths will come to light for you.
Being comfortable in clothing makes the difference
This is the easy part! Before I recognized my plus size beauty, I was constantly trying to dress to impress, and wound up wearing incredibly uncomfortable clothing because I thought it would attract the ideal man. The ideal man should be one who loves you for who you are, not because you fit into a size 4. Once when I was at the club, this guy I had been seeing insisted that he would only be seen with me if I was dressed to the nines, with tight clothing and heels, the works. My hair had to be curled a certain way and makeup was a must. Being a plus size girl, this overall statement made me feel ashamed, and didn’t sit well with me. Needless to say, I didn’t date him much longer. I decided to wear sexy clothes that fit, and I felt like I had crossed a huge threshold. Plus sized women dating isn’t a contest, and we are not less than worthy of our correct size. We need to recognize a size too small is too much. This realization made a huge difference in how I carried myself, and I eventually attracted the perfect man.
Jon, my fiancee, recognized my beauty as I wore long sleeves and big sweaters, with a big smile on my face. Even though he understood my pain to an extent, wearing what’s comfortable will make you feel comfortable, thus encouraging more gentle interactions. Dating as a plus sized woman should produce loving, caring companionship that will support you through your trials.
Sex as a plus sized woman
This part isn’t as easy. As a young woman, I was already concerned how I looked physically. Once I had the smile and comfortable appearance down, socializing with men was a bit of a breeze. But once they passed the test, what’s next? A few weeks or months of dating, and physical intimacy occurs. Most women, not just plus sized women, worry about what they look like naked. But for us, it’s worse because we feel our flaws are magnetized. The slightest wrinkle, roll, or dimple makes us want to cover up. This stage took longer for me to cross; men who embrace and are affectionate are more able, as well as willing, to be with us as we struggle with what we perceive as our flaws.
The truth about dating as a plus sized woman is that it isn’t much different from dating as any other sized woman. Finding our comfort zone, weeding out the losers, and finding strength within ourselves to make us realize we are amazing and flawless is a process. The truth is, being yourself around someone who embraces the skin you’re in isn’t going to go anywhere.
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